As you’re coming into the third and final trimester you’re given the general rundown on birth and motherhood but people tend to shy away from the hidden truths they don’t tell you.
Over the past 5 months, I’ve learnt the hard way and have overcame things where I’ve thought to myself ‘why was I not told that?’ I thought I’d add it all into a blog post hoping to help expectant mothers or just for a general read as I personally loved reading these posts.
So, grab a cuppa or something a little stronger. It’s a long one.
I was always told about this one but didn’t believe it until now. I barely remember what a friend is let alone have any. It’s true what they say when you fall pregnant/have a baby your friends will fall off the face of the earth. During my pregnancy, I’d get the odd ‘how are you Laura?’ ‘how’s you and bump?’ once a month but apart from that, nothing.
When I had my daughter, I received one card and one gift all together from friends. Not one single congratulations card/message from people I would class as close. I know it’s not everything but it’s nice for Estée look back on in years to come and a card is just polite, isn’t it?
Oh, and how could I forget about the people who say they’re ‘excited’ for your bundle of joy to arrive? The ones who were desperate to meet her, but haven’t bothered. Yep, those ones.
It makes you feel even more grateful for having such an amazing family, family friends and partner.
Birth plans, they’re just pointless aren’t they?
I remember sitting at home planning away the perfect birth I envisaged. Water birth, tick. Calming music playing, tick. No pain relief, tick. No horrible hospital gown, tick. What really happened? Induced, overdue and pushing to Bob Marley Don’t Worry, Be Happy playing in the background. Who on earth thought it was a good idea to put the radio on whilst I was in full blown labour? I’ll never know but one things for sure, I never want to hear another Snow Patrol or Bob Marley song again.
We all have the perfect image of what we want our births to be like, especially our first birthing experience. Unfortunately, the majority of the time they never go to plan and if you’re that small minority who had your ideal birth then god, I take my hat off to you.
Not Having a Bond Straight Away
If you don’t have a bond straight away, it’s OK.
As soon as I gave birth to Estée I was completely out of it, she was put on my chest straight away but I can barely remember which breaks my heart. I lost so much blood, I had no clue what was going on. My partner honestly thought I wasn’t going to make it. I don’t remember the first skin-to-skin experience, I didn’t get to experience the huge sigh of relief when you hear your baby cry for the first time or see my partner cut the cord.
Missing out on so much within the first hour of her life was a huge factor of the whole bonding for me and I’ll never get that back. From growing a tiny human for 9 whole months to counting down the final daysis what you live for during the last few weeks of pregnancy and I feel like I had that taken away from me.
Fed IS Best
God, I hate seeing the whole ‘breast is best’ debate 24/7. If you breastfeed, great. If you bottle feed, great. Why is it mums who don’t breastfeed are made to feel guilty? Why am I too anxious to feed my baby in public, scared of what others around me think?
I, myself started off breastfeeding for the first few days whilst in hospital. Estée wouldn’t latch so I was up all night expressing to make sure I had enough to feed her the following day. It was exhausting, emotional and draining. The next day I would be in tears, panicking she wasn’t getting enough through the syringe and eventually I gave up and decided to formula feed.
It didn’t work for us, or me but it was so reassuring knowing how much she was getting and that she wasn’t going hungry.
Throughout pregnancy I always had my heart set on breastfeeding. I knew how I wanted to feed my daughter but unfortunately it didn’t work out. I now fully agree with the ‘fed is best’ after experiencing how exhausting breastfeeding is and why people choose to formula feed you should never be belittled by anyone.
Tea and Toast
THE TOAST. No one told me how much I would appreciate the toast after birth (I don’t like tea). After an 8 hour long labour being offered toast by the midwife was like music to my ears and I’ve never appreciated a piece of toast so much in my whole existence.
What were the hidden truths for you during pregnancy, birth and motherhood?